In a sentence I by no means thought I’d ever write, Timothée Chalamet has revealed his Wonka on Instagram. Chalamet is, after all, at the moment filming the Willy Wonka film prequel, and his publish final night time gave the world its first take a look at this new iteration.

Judging by the web, there are basically two methods to react to it. The primary is to be disgusted that Hollywood has bastardised one of many all-time nice youngsters’s characters by inventing a model new backstory, with no enter from its creator, for money. The second is simply to get actually, actually sexy.

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“Timotheè [sic] Chalamet as horny Willy Wonka is thrilling and complicated,” wrote one tweeter after the brand new Wonka was unveiled. “WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO MAKE WILLY WONKA SEXY SO BADLY,” tweeted another in matches of lust-crazed despair. A 3rd, in a second of what can solely be described as plaintive ambition, merely announced: “im gonna fuck willy wonka”.

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To anybody accustomed to the varied film diversifications of Charlie and the Chocolate Manufacturing unit, this may appear barely absurd. In spite of everything, the earlier Willy Wonka was performed by Johnny Depp in his imperial section. True, he performed Wonka as a creepy Michael Jackson-alike, however this was nonetheless pre-cancellation Depp, earlier than he transmogrified into Marlon Brando: Nightclub Bouncer. Thirty years earlier, Gene Wilder’s Wonka was mysterious and sly, with a barely hid darkish facet – in brief, he’s the Wonka your girlfriend informed you to not fear about.

Possibly it’s time we got here to phrases with the truth that Willy Wonka, in no matter guise, is horny. Here’s a man who constructed a manufacturing facility dedicated to the pursuit of enjoyment. However on the similar time he desires you to know that pleasure comes at a price. Do as he says and nice fortune awaits. Defy him and also you die. Mainly, Willy Wonka invented Squid Recreation, and nothing on God’s inexperienced earth is sexier than that.

That mentioned, having Timothée Chalamet as Willy Wonka removes a few of the character’s paternalism. In Wonka, we’ll get to see Willy earlier than he grew to become Wonka. He’s nonetheless tough across the edges, ready to be fashioned. Bear in mind Christian Bale in Batman Begins? Bear in mind Daniel Craig in On line casino Royale? Each these movies took beloved, established characters and dragged you again to once they had been lean and hungry, weak and stuffed with need. That’s the kind of Wonka we’re going to get in Wonka; the kind of Wonka who’ll do to a technology of teenage ladies what David Bowie did to a unique technology when he starred in Labyrinth.

Now I may very well be utterly unsuitable right here. Chalamet’s Instagram depicted a reasonably conventional Willy Wonka. His velvet jacket is adorned with a easy floral flourish, and his trademark prime hat is unbroken. You possibly can pop any actor in that costume and so they’d appear to be a standard Willy Wonka. Wonka is being made by the staff behind Paddington, so there may be each cause to consider this movie goes to be heat and candy and humorous and eccentric. When it’s launched, except one thing goes horribly unsuitable, there’s a sturdy probability that it’ll develop into immediately beloved by all of the household.

However nonetheless. Take a look at Timothée Chalamet’s jawline. Stare into his eyes, gazing offscreen with a combination of longing and contempt. Strive telling me that this isn’t going to be 50 Shades of Wonka in all however identify. Wonka can be launched in March 2023. None of us stand an opportunity.

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